Current mood:	pleased
Current music:	FT Island - Reo Reo
Entry tags:	category: gen, character: ryo, character: shugo, character: shun, character: tatsuya, fandom: rps, rating: pg-13

# 088
Too far gone (and so far left to go)
Actor RPS; Shun Oguri, Ryo Katsuji, Shugo Oshinari, and Tatsuya Fujiwara.
PG-13, gen-ish, 4.013 words.
A/N: I don't even know. Srsly.


Too far gone (and so far left to go)

1.

Shun is not really sure how he ended up being friends with Ryo. Until now they haven't worked together, and they're not really in the same crowd of actors. Shun is used to hanging out with Jun, and Nari, and more or less random guys and girls that he meets and who hold his interest for a few weeks. His friends are usually not really friends, more like people he kills time with in between working. He's never had time for actual friends, not since he was younger and went to school and was just Shu-kun, instead of Shun or even worse, Oguri-san. It makes him feel like a grown-up and he wonders when the hell that happened.

Somehow, it's different with Ryo. They talked once, at a party, and then again, weeks later. And then Ryo visited someone Shun was visiting, and suddenly they talked on the phone every week, and then they ate lunch a couple times a week, and now Ryo is his friend. Shun still thinks it's strange, because he's fairly sure they don't have much in common. The first time they met, Shun thought Ryo was a big dork, and well, quite honestly he still thinks that.

There are years and centimeters between them, and a gap in popularity, but they never talk about any of it. When they get together, they talk about work and family and other friends and girls and guys, and they laugh over stupid things, and Shun thinks Ryo makes him younger. He's not really sure that it's a good thing, but considering that he's happy every time he goes home afterwards, he figures that it can't be bad.

2.

Tatsuya thinks it's strange to be back in Japan after being in England for so long. He's grown used to his small apartment, to the different landscape, to hearing people talk in English everywhere around him (and gradually understanding more of it as well), to being far away from everyone he knows, to not have a dozen things to do every day. He's grown used to being a student instead of a full time actor, and now that he's back to his old life again, he feels out of place.

England isn't his home, far from it, but now Tokyo feels strange too, and Tatsuya wonders if he'll ever figure out just where it is he truly belongs.

When he feels like this, it's nice to have Shugo around. Somehow, Shugo is Japan, and he makes it feel like everything is right again. Shugo will come over to Tatsuya's apartment, all smiles and a bag of beers or a cheap bottle of sake, and he'll talk about everything and nothing until they both fall asleep on Tatsuya's living room floor. Shugo grins at him in the mornings, a little lopsided, and Tatsuya hits him over the head for getting them drunk again, but they both know that this is something they need so they won't go insane.

3.

Ryo likes hanging out with Shugo, even if they don't do it as much as they used to, once. There was a time when they spent nearly every moment together, but now things are different. So very different. Ryo admires Shugo for sticking to what he likes, for daring to be different and picking roles that he wants to do without really caring about how popular he is or will be. Shugo does big roles in small, independent films that hardly anybody sees, and then he does smaller roles in big doramas, and Ryo wonders how on earth he manages to skip so easily between things that are so different.

Maybe that ability explains how Shugo could switch from hanging out with Ryo all the time, to talking to him maybe twice a month. Not that Ryo really minds - friends drifting apart happens, after all. Once upon a time, years ago, he used to hang out with Hayato too, but it has been months since they even talked. Sometimes, Ryo thinks that being an actor, being in the entertainment industry, makes it impossible to have real, lasting friendships.

But that doesn't change the fact that it's fun to hang out with Shugo, every once in a while. Ryo grins as he opens the door to his slightly too small and far too messy apartment, stepping aside so Shugo can come in. They sit side by side on the couch, watching an old movie that's on TV because none of them have the energy to do anything else. Before long, Ryo curls up on his side with his head on Shugo's lap, and he smiles faintly when Shugo brushes his fingers through Ryo's hair and tells him he should keep it long.

4.

Shun has been called a workaholic so many times that he just smiles at it now, especially if it's his mother saying it, in that worried tone of voice. He knows that she's really proud, but that she thinks she should be concerned, that that's her role as a responsible mother. Shun's okay with the concern. He's less okay about the constant nagging about when he's going to get a girlfriend, a proper one (apparently dating actresses or models isn't serious enough), because she wants grandchildren soon. Hearing it used to make him embarrassed, but now he just laughs and tells her to take it easy, that he's still young.

And he is still young. That's what he tells himself when he goes out too late at night, swallowing down drinks in bars and clubs, chatting with girls that mean less than nothing to him. It's what he tells himself when he takes said girls home, or to a hotel room, or to their apartment, and fucks them because he doesn't have anything else to do and because he doesn't want to be alone. It's what he tells himself when he slinks out the door before dawn with a painful hangover and the knowledge that he's going to work in two hours.

Toma - the most recent of his friends (but not really) - tells him that he's being an idiot for doing that kind of thing over and over, but Shun merely grins at him and asks if he's jealous. Toma rolls his eyes, but gives up on the matter. The slightly hurt look in his eyes makes Shun feel guilty, but he doesn't apologize. He never apologizes.

5.

It's too late for breakfast and too early for lunch on a Tuesday afternoon when Tatsuya runs into Ryo. At first he doesn't recognize the young man that beams up at him so cheerfully, but then it dawns on him and he smiles in return, only slightly stiffly. Tatsuya wonders when he forgot how to interact with people, and especially with people that he once got along with so well. However, it's difficult to stay gloomy when Ryo is so enthusiastic, asking him questions and telling him things that Tatsuya didn't really want to know, but eventually he finds himself laughing.

Somehow they end up having lunch, and they discuss Anne, both of them laughing when they realize that they have both dated her. Tatsuya thinks it's strange, but maybe that means that they're not really all that different. Or maybe it just means that Anne has a habit of dating her co-stars - Ryo says that she's been with Nino too, and once with him and Nino at the same time. Tatsuya isn't quite sure how to respond to that, and it makes Ryo laugh.

They wander the streets in comfortable silence afterwards, for a while. Tatsuya isn't sure why it feels okay, but it does. It feels okay enough for him to give Ryo his phone number and address, telling him that they should hang out more often. They're all friends, after all. And they have things in common; things apart from ex-girlfriends and movies they've done.

6.

Shugo is used to being on his own. Even if he has a lot of friends, it's mostly the casual kind. It's more of a going-out-to-have-a-drink-maybe crowd than a sharing-life-stories-and-crying-on-each-others-shoulder kind of crowd. He chats to Hayato, occasionally, and Ayana, occasionally, and Ai, occasionally. He goes out with Nino and Sho, lately, and he gets to know the rest of Arashi as well, and some of the other Johnnys. It feels strange, but he figures that it's not any more strange than spending time with people he was in a movie with years ago.

Parties aren't really his thing, but he goes anyway, just to catch up with people. He smiles and waves to Ryo, and gives an awkward Tatsuya a hug and tells him to lighten up, and messes around with Sho just because it's fun, and eventually settles in a corner with a drink and nothing else. As fun as it is to spend time with people, it's almost even more fun to merely watch them from the sidelines. Sometimes, it feels like they're all too connected, like it's impossible to find someone you don't have some kind of bond with.

And then Shun Oguri slides down onto the couch next to him, breath smelling of alcohol and skin too hot, and Shugo swears it's fate's way of fucking with his head, just because.

7.

Tatsuya tries to get back into the normal routine of working, though it's not as easy as it should be. Despite the movies that he's done (and which are probably 90 per cent of his popularity), he considers himself to be a stage actor. That's his passion, there's no doubt about that. But there's no plays for him to do, and not really any movies either. He does a few photo shoots, but it feels more awkward than it used to. Tatsuya wonders if he shouldn't have taken that break, if that has messed with his head so much that he can't go back to the person he used to be.

He doesn't think he has changed that much, but he's suddenly not so sure. Losing yourself when you're in your twenties seems stupid, but that's exactly what this feels like.

For a while, Tatsuya ponders writing a play of his own, even tries to, but it becomes ten pages of utter crap and then he throws it out. No, he's not a writer. Definitely not. Out of frustration he goes home, to his parents, and stays there for a week. Chats to the girl in the café next to his parents' house and decides that he likes her, that she's cute. Somehow, when she smiles she reminds him of Ryo. Except that she is cuter and less of a dork. Tatsuya kisses her before he goes back to Tokyo, and promises to call, but when he gets back to his apartment, it's Ryo he calls.

8.

Just how it happened, or why it happened, Shun has no idea. But he's not going to regret it, because it's far from the first time he's spent the night with a guy, and far from the first time said guy has been an actor. At least this time it's an actor he doesn't have any real ties to, one he doesn't have to see again unless he wants to. The memories from that night are blurry beyond too many pink and blue drinks and a kiss with Shirota because the girls around them asked for it and because Shirota looked far too smug for his own good.

After that there are no details. He remembers a comfortable couch, and someone next to him. He remembers talking nonsense and then making out because it seemed like a good idea at the time. Then there's a skip in time and space and then he remembers a hallway, a living room, a bedroom and a bed, and he remembers not being alone on that bed. But there's something wrong with the memory, as if he should have been alone. It doesn't make sense, and he doesn't quite know what happened.

In the morning he wakes up, hung over like always, alone like always, but aching more than usual, because there's scratches all over his shoulders, arms and back. It makes him feel strangely sick, and yet all he can think is that the make-up girls will be furious with him. When he goes to shower and get ready for work (half an hour late already), he refuses to look at himself in the mirror. Sometimes he can't take the face looking back at him.

9.

Ryo has to admit that he wonders what on earth is going on when Shugo shows up on his door, unannounced. It's why he opens the door in only a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt that Shugo would normally have teased him for, but not this time. Shugo doesn't say anything at first, just walks into the apartment and sits down on the floor between the couch and the messy table. Ryo isn't sure what to do, but sits down next to him, just waiting. He might not be the smartest person in the world, but even he realizes that something's wrong.

Eventually, Shugo tells him. Quietly, almost in a whisper. Almost crying, but not quite. Somewhere between ashamed and proud. Ryo isn't sure what to say in response, so he opts for taking Shugo's hand instead, squeezing lightly. It's only then that he notices the bruises around Shugo's wrist, and he feels sickened. More sickened than Shugo seems to be, and that worries him.

He tells Shugo to stay the night - no protests - and they sleep in the same bed for the first time in years. Shugo smiles to him, tiredly, and thanks him for being so nice, such a good friend. Ryo's not sure what he's doing that is so wonderful, but he still smiles back and tucks Shugo in, making sure he's comfortable. Sometime later, he'll find Shun and quite possibly punch him - or at least yell at him, but for now it's taking care of Shugo that's important.

10.

After a few days at home, Tatsuya visits Ryo, getting his address from Anne. She laughs at him, but doesn't comment, something which Tatsuya is grateful for. He has no idea what he should say if someone asks him why he wants to hang out with Ryo so badly. It takes a few tries before Tatsuya actually knocks on the door, and he almost regrets it moments later. Ryo is strange when he opens the door, almost looking like he wants to tell Tatsuya to get lost, but eventually he steps aside and lets Tatsuya in.

There are probably about a dozen people that Tatsuya would have expected to find in Ryo's apartment, but Shugo certainly isn't one of them. It catches him by surprise and he's not sure what to do with himself all of a sudden, especially because Shugo looks so pale and out of it. He looks at Ryo, helplessly, but Ryo doesn't offer much in the way of explanation, apart from telling him that Shugo has been crashing there for a while, and then sets about fixing some food for the three of them.

Tatsuya thinks it's strange, that somehow, it's the youngest of them that seems to be the most together. It makes him feel even more lost, and all he can do is to sit down across the kitchen table from Shugo, offering him a slightly shaky smile. He likes to think that Shugo lights up from seeing him, but he thinks he might be imagining things. Tatsuya's not sure what's real and what's not anymore, and he doesn't like the feeling.

11.

Shun has honestly no idea what's happening when Ryo walks up to him, looking angry. He has even less of a clue as to what's going on when Ryo punches him in the face, hard enough for Shun to stumble back. He's too stunned to hit back or even get angry, and it's all the time Ryo needs to punch him again and then tell him off for the things Shun had done to Shugo that night. At first Shun doesn't want to believe him, but he knows that every word is true. Knows that Ryo wouldn't be angry like this if it hadn't been true. Feels that it's true, because he’s known something wasn't quite right ever since that night.

Ryo finishes off with telling Shun that if he ever comes near Shugo again, he'll turn him in to the police, and oddly enough Shun believes him. It's one of the things he appreciates when it comes to Ryo - how fiercely protective of his friends he can be at times. When it's important. Shun mutters an apology, but he knows that's far from enough to make up for the damage he's caused, something Ryo tells him as well, in a tone of voice that Shun doesn't quite recognize.

It's difficult to focus on work for the rest of the day, and it has nothing to do with the aching pain of the black eye he's been given or the producers' reaction to said black eye. Shun has felt bad before, but he's fairly sure he's never felt like this. Taking advantage of people has never been alien to him, but this... This is something very different. Something he's not quite sure he knows how to deal with.

12.

Shugo thinks he should move back home. He's been staying at Ryo's place for weeks, crashing into his bed every night, letting him cook and clean and do everything. Shugo wonders if he's just taking advantage of their friendship, but when he speaks up saying that maybe, just maybe, he should move home again, Ryo smiles and shakes his head, urging Shugo to stay as long as he wants to. Says he likes the company, and that he'd be worried about Shugo otherwise. Somehow, it makes things a bit better.

Maybe it's not right that this is taking so long. That he should have been able to get over it by now. He had been drunk too, after all, and he had been the one to climb into the taxi behind Shun, to make sure that he got home okay. Sometimes he thinks that he had asked for it in some ways. Maybe even wanted it, in some ways. But not like that. Not like that.

He gets through the days easily enough. He's always busy; he has work, and then more work, and occasionally interviews and photo shoots, and premiers in the evening. He goes through the motions without really having to think, he does his job as well as he always has, he talks and jokes with the cast and the crew, he even laughs. It's only at night, when he curls up beneath the covers in Ryo's bed, that he cries. Not every night, not that often. Every time Ryo somehow notices and wraps his arms around Shugo, hugging him close and talking quietly to him until they both fall asleep.

13.

Something feels strange. Tatsuya's not sure about what's going on with Shugo, or why he's suddenly more or less living with Ryo, but he doesn't think he should ask too many questions. Instead he withdraws from them both, and feels lonelier than ever. He takes another trip back to visit his family, and sleeps with the girl from the small café, but he can barely remember her name in the morning. She comes with him to Tokyo and stays for a week in his apartment. It doesn't feel right, but he can't quite bring himself to kick her out either.

So he takes her out and shows her around, and he treats her to dinners in the evening and fucks her at night. At the end of the week she smiles and says it's been lovely, but she has a fiancé and he'll be home soon. She asks Tatsuya to look her up next time he's in his home town, and she kisses him and laughs and then she's gone. Tatsuya isn't sure whether he should be relieved or offended. Maybe he's a bit of both.

It's difficult to know what to do with himself when he's alone again. Tatsuya picks up a book and goes to a bar, and sits there all evening, reading and sipping drinks. He's not sure if it's a good way to spend his time, but it doesn't feel like such a bad idea. When someone sits down next to him, he looks up to protest - he doesn't particularly want any company - but he's stunned into silence from the sight of the pale actor sitting next to him. Without asking questions, he closes his book and orders drinks for them both. He thinks they'll both need it.

14.

Shun feels slightly better after spending a night and half a day and another night talking to someone like Tatsuya. In the beginning, he wasn’t sure if he should share everything, but he figured being honest would be the best idea. He's still surprised that Tatsuya didn't tell him to get lost. Even if it's like a weight has lifted off of Shun's shoulders, he's still not done. He still feels guilty, knows he hasn't done enough to redeem himself. Technically, he knows that if he wants to truly make up for it, he should turn himself in to the police, but he's too selfish for that - and he thinks that it would only cause Shugo more harm too.

Instead he sits down and writes a letter. He has never been all that good at conveying his thoughts and emotions, but for once he tries. He's been told to write love letters in the past, and diaries for photo books and websites, but he's never put his heart and soul into it like now. Maybe that's because those things haven't been even half as important as this is. Not just for him; he believes that Shugo's well being might depend on this as well. At least he allows himself to think that.

It takes him several days to finish the letter, and by the time he's done it's so long that he has to grin, thinking that if nothing else, it might help the guy to get some sleep. He forces himself to smile, because otherwise he thinks he might cry. Otherwise he might become too nervous to even send the letter, and he refuses to have gone through the trouble of writing it without sending it. Still, once it's posted - to Ryo's apartment because Tatsuya said Shugo's staying there - he walks around with a painful knot of nervousness in his stomach.

15.

When he comes home after work - and a rough day of work as well - he finds Shugo sitting on the living room floor, curled up and with a small heap of paper strewn randomly around him. At first Ryo wonders if it's a new script, but it doesn't seem to fit, especially not when Shugo bursts into tears as Ryo sits down beside him. It's only when he looks over the pieces of paper that Ryo realizes that it's a letter, and it doesn't take him long before he recognizes Shun's hand-writing, strong and careless at the same time.

It's impossible to know what to say, so instead he says nothing and merely lets Shugo lean his head on Ryo's shoulder. It takes a while before he stops crying, but when he does, he pulls back and smiles at Ryo, however shakily, and says that he thinks he's ready to move home now. Ryo nods and stays on the living room floor, looking from the letter on the floor to Shugo packing up his things, and he thinks about Shun, and Shugo, and Tatsuya, and himself.

Ryo's not sure if any of them will be okay, if they'll find what they are looking for. But at least he has hope.

~fin~